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Posts tagged ‘heartbreak’

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: there is still hope for the rest of us….

Love from my point of view has always been a train wreck.   I meet someone, we date, we break up, I’m heartbroken, start all over again. It’s a never ending cycle of suffering and disappointment.  Being exposed to the dating world for a little while now I could never understand why a good looking man or woman would cheat on his or her significant other.  It was always unfathomable to me the act of cheating on a loved one, it seemed surreal and the pain it brings seems only to get worse and worse after the realization that one has been cheated on.  After hearing the news of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart I felt sick.  It was their romance that I looked up to, that thousands of other girls looked up to.  It was as if there existed a little world with just women who developed hope in their life, just because of Rob and Kristen.  They seemed different, like they could endure anything and everything the world threw at them; and this belief made it possible for every day women to never give up and keep looking for their one true love.  Well, unfortunately that world was shattered when KRISTEN, not Rob, cheated on the man of all of our dreams.  What is most shocking is that it was not a man who went behind a woman’s back, it was the girl, the girl who we all wanted to be.  I never understood how normal people would do this to the ones they love, but famous role models we dream about, I just don’t know anymore.

                I want to be mad and angry at Kristen, an individual I have never met, but in a way I feel like I am able to relate to her and Rob in a deeper lever.  This whole scandal tells me that no matter who we are, no matter what we look like, how much money we have, we are still vulnerable to the pain and suffering that comes along with loving another person.  There is no exclusive club in which one can become a member of and become immune to all the horrible things this nasty world has to offer.   There is no secret code a person can attain to avoid getting hurt in relationships.  I am an average girl who has gotten her heart broken,  but just because a couple I looked up to turned out to be just like every other couple any average person knows, does not mean I am going to lose hope for my love life.  AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.  We are all the same, no matter what anyone says.  Pretty, skinny, tall, fat, we all have the same feelings and the same aspirations.  So, instead of looking at Rob and Kristen in a negative way, we need to see them as a heartbroken couple that will need to work hard if they are ever going to make their relationship work again.  Love dies, but it has the supernatural ability to be born over and over and over again. 

Till next time,

LC

The Devil Broke My Heart

It’s funny how no matter how hard I try to forget you, you always seem to find a way back to my mind.  I live day by day, whishing and hoping that your memory will slowly fade away into nothingness, never again to hunt me on those sleepless nights.  I hate it that when I’m with someone new, I come so close to making myself believe that I am over you.  And then, I see your face, that face that I hate more than anything in this entire miserable world, and I realize that I have no feelings for anyone else but you.  It is so hard to hate you and love you and miss you and hate you more all at once.  My body needs a break from my emotions.  I want to love the person I am with, but your memory makes it hopeless.  I am too smart to fool my mind, and too foolish to get over you.  I pray to a God I don’t believe in, I wish on stars that are not falling, I touch the guitar your fingers played, and melt away on nothing but a memory.  You left me by choice, I wish I could say that your memory lingers by choice, but it does not.  If it were up to me, I would make your memory disappear in an instant, if it were up to choice your presence will not make me shudder, I would see you and smile and go on with my day.  But every time I see you, I force my body to be strong and act as if I am not affected by the air we currently share, I am strong in your eyes, but the second you don’t see me I am so weak I cannot even breathe.  I shake and leave the world for days until I can convince myself, once again, that I am over you.  I will never be over you and for that you are the Devil. I will always hate you, but I will always love you more. I am on my knees begging for you to come back; but I am on my knees begging myself to get over you at the same time.

LC

He Deleted ME Off Facebook…The end.. Part 12

                I felt so low after that stupid morning, I had finally experienced my first asshole. I felt like I needed a round of applause. “You did it,” “He got you!” I felt embarrassed and used. “I can’t believe you didn’t fuck me last night.” REALLY!! REALLLYYY! Who the fuck says that? Excuse my language. But seriously.  Want to know the worst part, the next day he deleted me off his Facebook!! Hahahahahah.  What a douche. I hate it when boys delete me off their Facebook, like wow your cool we’re no longer friends, you really got me.  The whole concept just really pisses me off.

                Okay, now I have to share something with you, you might hate me and lose respect for me; you should know that I hate me and have lost respect for me too. I am going to do this fast, I texted the stupid asshole and was like “ I am sorry, u probs hate me. We should talk.” Wow, I really had no respect for myself. This guy had screwed me over, and here I was texting him. Want to know the best part, he texted me back and said, “We should go our separate ways.”

                I had gotten screwed twice in one weekend by the asshole, and we did not even have sex.  Well, I guess this is really how my story ends with this guy.  I never really saw him after that, except driving around.  I slowly but surely got my self-confidence back, and am glad that I met Eric. If it was not for him, I would think men were actually nice creatures. If it was not for Eric, I would still think that boys are harmless.

                So, ladies take from a girl with all the experience in the world, not.   Boys are jerks, and even if you think your boy is not a jerk, well, he is.  He will hurt you, and if you think he won’t, think again.  Better yet, we should all just become lesbians, and leave them all to pleasure their asshole selves. Who’s with me!?  Yeah, maybe not.

Till next time.

LC

“I can’t believe you didn’t BLEEP me last night.” Walk of Shame… Part 11

                Alcohol has the ability to make us do things we would never do, and make us think things we would never think. I want to blame alcohol for the events that took place that fateful night that I will share with you.  It is sad really, when you lose your brain and cannot seem to find it as it is swimming in your mind. I knew Eric was outside, but I was inside, with this guy name Will.  He was cute and I knew he liked me, for some reason my brain told me that it was okay to kiss this guy and hope that Eric will see.  

                I was angry, Eric had not spoken to me at that party and I was starting to lose it. My thoughts were not working right so I grabbed Will and I kissed him. He was okay, I was only using him.   My sister dragged me into the bathroom and I poured my thoughts out, “Eric hates me.”

                “He saw you and whistled and told you to go and say hi! You are just drunk and stupid to notice anything.”

                “Oh.” Was all I could say.  I went outside forgetting Will and found Eric, he seemed a little distant, once again playing those stupid little games.  We were all getting ready to play a game of beer pong and Eric went inside to get the booze.  Will found me and wrapped his arms around me, “Yes.” I had him right where I wanted him and started making out with him.  Eric came out and saw me, “perfect,” I thought. This would make him jealous and he would want me back.  Wow, was I wrong!

                Eric could not look me in the face the whole night, so I followed him around, making him look me in the face. He said,  “ I cannot believe you did that, I would have never made out with a girl in front of you.”  I could not make sense of anything, my mind was to foggy, he was mad , but mad was good, right? WRONG.

                I managed to stay with him that night, we did not have sex, but I knew he wanted to.  I was just happy, I had him right where I wanted, and it seemed like he had forgiven me for kissing Will.  We cuddled and fell asleep.  I woke up the next morning, in his arms, hangover had not hit me yet, but everything was perfect. We woke up, I looked into his eyes, he looked into mine, and he said the most romantic thing I had ever heard: “I can’t believe you didn’t fuck me last night.” I was ready to die.

                He basically kicked me out at 7:30 in the morning. Clothes in hand, walking the walk of shame. Yup, he was the biggest gentleman in whole world, NOT.  I wanted to throw up, I felt so low and disgusting, I could not even look myself in the face.

Till next time.

LC

The Country Boy Came Back…For Now…Part 9

                The boy I had really liked finally got my number again and started to talk to me like nothing had changed between us.  Eric told me about his summer and work, and I told him about my summer and my work.  It was casual conversation. It progressed from Facebook to texting,  never really reaching the TELEPHONE level.  He was cute when we talked, I could not wait to see his face when the semester started again.

                Our conversations were very sporadic , I never really knew when the next time he would text me would be, but I never really minded, it was summer and I was having some fun.  We would argue and talk, and laugh and talk, and whatever and talk. I was content with our summer relationship, if one could even call it that. As the semester started to approach, I started getting more and more nervous.  Those stupid questions of is he still going to like me?  Would eventually arise in my mind and then disappear just as fast.

                He did not text me or  call me the day he got in, and I did not really think twice about it; he was moving in, he was busy.  He had been at school for at least a few days and did nothing to contact me. I was starting to question if we were ever going to meet again.  That first day of classes I was walking around, my head held high, and I finally got a text from him: “ Was that you walking in to Building A?”

                “Yes, where are you?”

                “Going to building C.” That was his stupid reply.

                “Oh, well want to meet up? I really want to see  you.” That was me being extremely desperate, how I regret ever replying.

                “Yeah, come here I am going to class at 12:30.” My watch read 12pm. I had half an hour to get to his side and see that beautiful face I had been dreaming of the whole, stupid, freaking, long-ass summer.

                I walked into the computer center, and there he was, Eric.  All of him, not thoughts, no imagination or illusions, it was him; and he was perfect.  We both sort of stared at each other.  He was wearing a flannel red shirt, jeans, and those yellow Timberlands I loved so much.  We stared at each other and then embraced for what seemed like years.

                Gosh, he smelled so good, and there I was, finally, right where I had wanted to be all summer long.  I did not want to let go.  I was melting and I was happy.  Memories can seem so distant sometimes; and this memory is one that I wish I could permanently delete from my mind.  He was so perfect, so great, and so fake; all at the same time.

Till next time.

LC

Getting Over A Country Boy… Part 8

              My summer started out with me working at Subway, super-duper fun.  I was not interested in boys at all because my heart belonged to my one and only. Every guy was ugly compared to him and stupid and ugly. So my summer consisted of working during the day and going out at night. I kind of became wild in a way, I was always looking for a way to get out of my house and wonder around the world.  I made a lot of new friends and had many guys eating out of the palm of my hands. It was great! I was not going to get hurt, I was going to hurt them; and damn how I was enjoying that summer.

              The first guy I kissed, I thought of Eric the whole time; and the second; and the third.  I am pretty sure you can see where this is going.  I was not a slut, these guys took me out and showed me off, I was enjoying myself and it was great until reality started hitting me in the face.  Every time I would try to fall asleep and drift off the planet for a few hours I would just think of his stupid ugly face; IT WAS HORRIBLE.  I was leading guys on while on my ‘getting over Eric’ journey, it was great.  It was hard keeping all the guys in check and not messing up their names, I felt like such a player; I had never been that way before. It was new and exciting, and still nothing could fill that stupid aching void that filled my life. 

               Days went by slow, boys started becoming a blur and blending in all together.  It was like I did not know any of them, I was using them and did not care at all.  I broke a lot of hearts and never stopped to care about them; they were the enemy and that is all I needed to justify my actions.  I hated their kind and felt great every time I would send one of them crying, looking back they did not deserve what I did to them; but there is nothing I  can do about it now. I was so empty on the inside, it was crazy and I had no idea who the girl who filled my insides was; she was not caring, or thoughtful, or nice. She was a lying, backstabbing bitch who deserved to get hurt by a billion guys(not just one).  

               I never really understood why boys liked me, the first thing I would always so to them was “I AM A BITCH, stay away from me, I do not want a boyfriend.” Did they listen to me? No. So, I partially blame them for falling for me; I warned their asses and they decided not to listen to my words of wisdom.  Every face was a substitute for the face I really wanted in my hands.  I was so strong in front of these boys and so broken when I was alone. No one saw my pain, or maybe they did and that is why they stuck around.  I was so mean, I think about it and just cannot imagine how a person could be that mean, and there I was; and I am pretty sure I exist.

               After two months of summer Eric added me on facebook and then asked for my number again.  What a loser! He deleted me off his phone. But I was too excited to care, we started talking again and before I knew it, all my progress of forgetting his face was gone, and there I was drooling over his stupid, dumbass face again.  Till next time.

L.C.

Country Boy’s Suck! Losing Them Sucks Even More!!! Part 7… Of My Misery…

          I looked at the text message and there it was, the magic words I had been waiting for: “ Did you really end this because I didn’t see you this week? I wanna talk to you in person.” I had never seen my fingers move so fast as when I was typing “okay” and sending it to him on my phone.  We talked for a while and in the end everything was perfect, we were back to Eric and Layla; it was great. He texted me, “Goodnight honey J” and I fell asleep like a little baby. The next day I did not receive a “Good morning honey” and it caught me off guard.  Maybe he was still pissed at me for breaking it off and needed some time, we still had not talked face to face and I was okay with it.  He did not make an effort to see me that day and we were set to talk the next Monday about why I broke it off in the first place. Saturday night pissed me off because our college was having Springfest and he decided not to meet up with me, I was starting to think that he was never going to forgive me for breaking it off with him.  I still had my hopes up for Monday when we would meet up and talk, so I ignored him ignoring me(it’s confusing I know). 

            Monday finally decided to show up and our plans were not set.  He was very short with me and seemed to just not want to put in the effort to see me.  He asked if we could meet up the next day and I said “No.” And then his text set me off, “Fine I guess I’ll just fail all my exams.” I never responded to that text and stopped caring.  He did not talk to me for the next three days and it was absolutely horrible.  I cried and cried and hated myself for it. I had lost the only boy I had ever really liked.

            I decided to move on and have a study date at the library with a guy I had met; he was cute and just what I needed.  I got up to go to the bathroom and who the HELL do I run into? Fucking Eric(excuse my language).  We had the most awkward hug you could possibly imagine, I am pretty sure I stuttered when I saw him; he looked great and there I was three days after our last conversation on a date, awesome!  He sat on the opposite table and watched me flirt my ass off with this boy, I guess I was just trying to make him jealous. Want to know if it worked? Nope, it did not.  I left and he gave me a quick nod, he could not even look me in the face. That was the last time I saw him before he went back home and my unbearable summer began.

            I texted him, not knowing if he had already left, “I’m sorry about everything.  I wanna see you before you leave and get coffee.”  All he had to say to me was “ You have nothing to be sorry about and I am pretty busy, in three months for sure.”  I was left to face my misery all alone; every part of my body ached.  I was not going to see him for three months and I knew it was over, I just did not let myself believe that it was. I told myself he liked me and it was all my fault, but really I had given him every single opportunity to get me back; and he did not take advantage of those opportunities.  He was gone, I was alone, and summer was just starting. Till next time.

L.C.