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                Alcohol has the ability to make us do things we would never do, and make us think things we would never think. I want to blame alcohol for the events that took place that fateful night that I will share with you.  It is sad really, when you lose your brain and cannot seem to find it as it is swimming in your mind. I knew Eric was outside, but I was inside, with this guy name Will.  He was cute and I knew he liked me, for some reason my brain told me that it was okay to kiss this guy and hope that Eric will see.  

                I was angry, Eric had not spoken to me at that party and I was starting to lose it. My thoughts were not working right so I grabbed Will and I kissed him. He was okay, I was only using him.   My sister dragged me into the bathroom and I poured my thoughts out, “Eric hates me.”

                “He saw you and whistled and told you to go and say hi! You are just drunk and stupid to notice anything.”

                “Oh.” Was all I could say.  I went outside forgetting Will and found Eric, he seemed a little distant, once again playing those stupid little games.  We were all getting ready to play a game of beer pong and Eric went inside to get the booze.  Will found me and wrapped his arms around me, “Yes.” I had him right where I wanted him and started making out with him.  Eric came out and saw me, “perfect,” I thought. This would make him jealous and he would want me back.  Wow, was I wrong!

                Eric could not look me in the face the whole night, so I followed him around, making him look me in the face. He said,  “ I cannot believe you did that, I would have never made out with a girl in front of you.”  I could not make sense of anything, my mind was to foggy, he was mad , but mad was good, right? WRONG.

                I managed to stay with him that night, we did not have sex, but I knew he wanted to.  I was just happy, I had him right where I wanted, and it seemed like he had forgiven me for kissing Will.  We cuddled and fell asleep.  I woke up the next morning, in his arms, hangover had not hit me yet, but everything was perfect. We woke up, I looked into his eyes, he looked into mine, and he said the most romantic thing I had ever heard: “I can’t believe you didn’t fuck me last night.” I was ready to die.

                He basically kicked me out at 7:30 in the morning. Clothes in hand, walking the walk of shame. Yup, he was the biggest gentleman in whole world, NOT.  I wanted to throw up, I felt so low and disgusting, I could not even look myself in the face.

Till next time.

LC

 

                We let go of our beautiful embrace, and I was happy for the first time in months. I could not help but stare at him, memorizing all his features once again.  His eyes, still blue, not that his eyes were supposed to change color or anything.   He smelled amazing and manly, gosh I had been with him for two minutes and was already turned on, he he.  We talked for a little bit, and then he left, “class” he said.  When a guy puts class over you, then you know he does not like you; I had to learn that the hard way.

                Throughout the first couple of weeks of the semester, the only times I had even seen Eric was when I would eventually run into him. He would shoot me the usual, most informative “Hey” text message and that was that. I was starting to get sick of his stupid games, and him not getting on his knees and  telling me he loved me, and all that movie crap. So, I did what any normal girl in that situation would do; I texted the asshole, I mean Eric. “I really like you, do you still like me?”

                I am going to cut it short for you, all in all it took him about an hour of talking for him to tell me, “I like you, but not as a girlfriend.” Ouch, it sucked, I was hurt once again. I felt like all those months of daydreaming during work that summer were wasted and I wanted to die.  So, once again I did what any other girl would do, I went to a party next door to his apartment.

                I got dressed up, jeans, purple crop top, make-up was done, and I had my flirt on.  I knew that once I got  to the party I would see him and he would see me, and we would fall in love, right? Well, before I walked over to the party me and my friends decided to take some shots to take the edge off, and man did I take the edge off. 

                I downed maybe five shotsies and was on my way to get my man back. Maybe I should inform you, I am a light weight, small, and alcohol hits pretty hard, if you get what I am saying.  I was pretty drunk by the time I got there. Someone whistled, I lifted my head up, and there he was, mine for the taking. I gave him a quick smile and walked inside the apartment totally ignoring him. I was cool, let me tell you. Well, I was feeling the alcohol, feeling Eric, and was getting pissed that he was not saying hi to me again. I made some pretty stupid decisions that night!! So, I will give your little party brains a little break.

Till next time.

LC

When is it really okay to start pet names in a relationship?

I was asking myself this question when I received a text from this guy I am “sort of” with, this is what he said: “Good point. Goodnight munchkin.”

I do not know why after reading this text I got this gagging feeling in my throat.  First of all I am NOT some snack from Dunkin Donuts, second of all am I fat that he has to come up with that nickname? We had only been together a few months; he is not even my boyfriend. To me, pet names have always taken the relationship to the next level.

Then I started thinking, what is a good pet name? Honey, baby, sweetie, sweetie pie, honey bunches of oats, squirrel, flower, and the list goes on forever. I do not care if it is good or not, there should be specific time to cross that line, maybe sit down and have a conversation about what is appropriate. Then, tell your significant other when he is able to use such nickname.

I gave a guy my number and two seconds later, he was already calling me “sweetheart.” That right there was a deal breaker. I do not know if it just me that thinks this way.  Per names can be embarrassing and should only be used when both parties have a non spoken agreement, better yet SPOKEN agreement on when to start with the names.

When do you think it is okay to start using pet names? What is the most embarrassing one you have heard?

Thanks a lot BABIES (gagging sound) !!

LC

                The boy I had really liked finally got my number again and started to talk to me like nothing had changed between us.  Eric told me about his summer and work, and I told him about my summer and my work.  It was casual conversation. It progressed from Facebook to texting,  never really reaching the TELEPHONE level.  He was cute when we talked, I could not wait to see his face when the semester started again.

                Our conversations were very sporadic , I never really knew when the next time he would text me would be, but I never really minded, it was summer and I was having some fun.  We would argue and talk, and laugh and talk, and whatever and talk. I was content with our summer relationship, if one could even call it that. As the semester started to approach, I started getting more and more nervous.  Those stupid questions of is he still going to like me?  Would eventually arise in my mind and then disappear just as fast.

                He did not text me or  call me the day he got in, and I did not really think twice about it; he was moving in, he was busy.  He had been at school for at least a few days and did nothing to contact me. I was starting to question if we were ever going to meet again.  That first day of classes I was walking around, my head held high, and I finally got a text from him: “ Was that you walking in to Building A?”

                “Yes, where are you?”

                “Going to building C.” That was his stupid reply.

                “Oh, well want to meet up? I really want to see  you.” That was me being extremely desperate, how I regret ever replying.

                “Yeah, come here I am going to class at 12:30.” My watch read 12pm. I had half an hour to get to his side and see that beautiful face I had been dreaming of the whole, stupid, freaking, long-ass summer.

                I walked into the computer center, and there he was, Eric.  All of him, not thoughts, no imagination or illusions, it was him; and he was perfect.  We both sort of stared at each other.  He was wearing a flannel red shirt, jeans, and those yellow Timberlands I loved so much.  We stared at each other and then embraced for what seemed like years.

                Gosh, he smelled so good, and there I was, finally, right where I had wanted to be all summer long.  I did not want to let go.  I was melting and I was happy.  Memories can seem so distant sometimes; and this memory is one that I wish I could permanently delete from my mind.  He was so perfect, so great, and so fake; all at the same time.

Till next time.

LC

I have been a little down lately and have been searching for the things that make me happy.  I was walking down the hallway of my school when I noticed a girl wearing an ugly ass sweater.  Then, I thought to myself, wow thank god I don’t have that sweater and it made me feel tres bon. I was looking at things that made others look bad, not only did it give me a confidence boost, it also made me a little bit happier.

So just for you here is a tip:

When you are feeling down look at something that makes someone else look bad, and be happy that you are not that person.

And when you become jolly and happy, look at that poor person and compliment them on something, who knows maybe he or she is also having a downer kind of day… Hence, why else would you wear an ugly sweater.

Till next time

LC

I have not written in a while for I have been following my duty of keeping up with stupid classes. I have managed to give no priority to my studies, but to my new found thirst of parties.  I have met people, I have angered people. Yes, I have even made some cry.  I am not proud of my actions, well I mean, I am a little bit proud of a making a girlie cry that totally deserved it; she was being annoying. I know we all just want to tell that one person to shove it sometimes, and I did. Okay, back to me and my new hobbies. I have been partying, check, I have been interacting with the opposite sex, check, I have been attending my classes, check.  I guess instead of just attending classes I need to actually start doing some work too, he he, check.  Most importantly I have changed my major once again to something that is a secret, only for moi, ish.  I will keep telling my story of the country boy, but to tell you the truth I am so over him. I have moved on to better and bigger things.  Well, not exactly.  I am still single, but to be totally fair I no longer believe in all that stupid relationship stuff. Who cares? I do not want a boyfriend, do you? Who needs some guy hanging round 24-7.  I am an independent woman who has a new goal in life, to find happiness.  And let me tell you something I do not need some handsome stranger to do that for me.  All I need is me, myself, and I.  And maybe some Nicholas Sparks novels along the way.  But besides that I have my health, my friends, and my need for adventure.  Which is why I will start writing again, to let you know of all the wonderful, crazy things life has bestowed upon me.  I have laughed, I have cried, and I have laughed some more.  Can’t wait to make more friends.

Till next time.

LC

Ps I love you

              My summer started out with me working at Subway, super-duper fun.  I was not interested in boys at all because my heart belonged to my one and only. Every guy was ugly compared to him and stupid and ugly. So my summer consisted of working during the day and going out at night. I kind of became wild in a way, I was always looking for a way to get out of my house and wonder around the world.  I made a lot of new friends and had many guys eating out of the palm of my hands. It was great! I was not going to get hurt, I was going to hurt them; and damn how I was enjoying that summer.

              The first guy I kissed, I thought of Eric the whole time; and the second; and the third.  I am pretty sure you can see where this is going.  I was not a slut, these guys took me out and showed me off, I was enjoying myself and it was great until reality started hitting me in the face.  Every time I would try to fall asleep and drift off the planet for a few hours I would just think of his stupid ugly face; IT WAS HORRIBLE.  I was leading guys on while on my ‘getting over Eric’ journey, it was great.  It was hard keeping all the guys in check and not messing up their names, I felt like such a player; I had never been that way before. It was new and exciting, and still nothing could fill that stupid aching void that filled my life. 

               Days went by slow, boys started becoming a blur and blending in all together.  It was like I did not know any of them, I was using them and did not care at all.  I broke a lot of hearts and never stopped to care about them; they were the enemy and that is all I needed to justify my actions.  I hated their kind and felt great every time I would send one of them crying, looking back they did not deserve what I did to them; but there is nothing I  can do about it now. I was so empty on the inside, it was crazy and I had no idea who the girl who filled my insides was; she was not caring, or thoughtful, or nice. She was a lying, backstabbing bitch who deserved to get hurt by a billion guys(not just one).  

               I never really understood why boys liked me, the first thing I would always so to them was “I AM A BITCH, stay away from me, I do not want a boyfriend.” Did they listen to me? No. So, I partially blame them for falling for me; I warned their asses and they decided not to listen to my words of wisdom.  Every face was a substitute for the face I really wanted in my hands.  I was so strong in front of these boys and so broken when I was alone. No one saw my pain, or maybe they did and that is why they stuck around.  I was so mean, I think about it and just cannot imagine how a person could be that mean, and there I was; and I am pretty sure I exist.

               After two months of summer Eric added me on facebook and then asked for my number again.  What a loser! He deleted me off his phone. But I was too excited to care, we started talking again and before I knew it, all my progress of forgetting his face was gone, and there I was drooling over his stupid, dumbass face again.  Till next time.

L.C.