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Archive for October, 2011

Getting Over A Country Boy… Part 8

              My summer started out with me working at Subway, super-duper fun.  I was not interested in boys at all because my heart belonged to my one and only. Every guy was ugly compared to him and stupid and ugly. So my summer consisted of working during the day and going out at night. I kind of became wild in a way, I was always looking for a way to get out of my house and wonder around the world.  I made a lot of new friends and had many guys eating out of the palm of my hands. It was great! I was not going to get hurt, I was going to hurt them; and damn how I was enjoying that summer.

              The first guy I kissed, I thought of Eric the whole time; and the second; and the third.  I am pretty sure you can see where this is going.  I was not a slut, these guys took me out and showed me off, I was enjoying myself and it was great until reality started hitting me in the face.  Every time I would try to fall asleep and drift off the planet for a few hours I would just think of his stupid ugly face; IT WAS HORRIBLE.  I was leading guys on while on my ‘getting over Eric’ journey, it was great.  It was hard keeping all the guys in check and not messing up their names, I felt like such a player; I had never been that way before. It was new and exciting, and still nothing could fill that stupid aching void that filled my life. 

               Days went by slow, boys started becoming a blur and blending in all together.  It was like I did not know any of them, I was using them and did not care at all.  I broke a lot of hearts and never stopped to care about them; they were the enemy and that is all I needed to justify my actions.  I hated their kind and felt great every time I would send one of them crying, looking back they did not deserve what I did to them; but there is nothing I  can do about it now. I was so empty on the inside, it was crazy and I had no idea who the girl who filled my insides was; she was not caring, or thoughtful, or nice. She was a lying, backstabbing bitch who deserved to get hurt by a billion guys(not just one).  

               I never really understood why boys liked me, the first thing I would always so to them was “I AM A BITCH, stay away from me, I do not want a boyfriend.” Did they listen to me? No. So, I partially blame them for falling for me; I warned their asses and they decided not to listen to my words of wisdom.  Every face was a substitute for the face I really wanted in my hands.  I was so strong in front of these boys and so broken when I was alone. No one saw my pain, or maybe they did and that is why they stuck around.  I was so mean, I think about it and just cannot imagine how a person could be that mean, and there I was; and I am pretty sure I exist.

               After two months of summer Eric added me on facebook and then asked for my number again.  What a loser! He deleted me off his phone. But I was too excited to care, we started talking again and before I knew it, all my progress of forgetting his face was gone, and there I was drooling over his stupid, dumbass face again.  Till next time.



Country Boy’s Suck! Losing Them Sucks Even More!!! Part 7… Of My Misery…

          I looked at the text message and there it was, the magic words I had been waiting for: “ Did you really end this because I didn’t see you this week? I wanna talk to you in person.” I had never seen my fingers move so fast as when I was typing “okay” and sending it to him on my phone.  We talked for a while and in the end everything was perfect, we were back to Eric and Layla; it was great. He texted me, “Goodnight honey J” and I fell asleep like a little baby. The next day I did not receive a “Good morning honey” and it caught me off guard.  Maybe he was still pissed at me for breaking it off and needed some time, we still had not talked face to face and I was okay with it.  He did not make an effort to see me that day and we were set to talk the next Monday about why I broke it off in the first place. Saturday night pissed me off because our college was having Springfest and he decided not to meet up with me, I was starting to think that he was never going to forgive me for breaking it off with him.  I still had my hopes up for Monday when we would meet up and talk, so I ignored him ignoring me(it’s confusing I know). 

            Monday finally decided to show up and our plans were not set.  He was very short with me and seemed to just not want to put in the effort to see me.  He asked if we could meet up the next day and I said “No.” And then his text set me off, “Fine I guess I’ll just fail all my exams.” I never responded to that text and stopped caring.  He did not talk to me for the next three days and it was absolutely horrible.  I cried and cried and hated myself for it. I had lost the only boy I had ever really liked.

            I decided to move on and have a study date at the library with a guy I had met; he was cute and just what I needed.  I got up to go to the bathroom and who the HELL do I run into? Fucking Eric(excuse my language).  We had the most awkward hug you could possibly imagine, I am pretty sure I stuttered when I saw him; he looked great and there I was three days after our last conversation on a date, awesome!  He sat on the opposite table and watched me flirt my ass off with this boy, I guess I was just trying to make him jealous. Want to know if it worked? Nope, it did not.  I left and he gave me a quick nod, he could not even look me in the face. That was the last time I saw him before he went back home and my unbearable summer began.

            I texted him, not knowing if he had already left, “I’m sorry about everything.  I wanna see you before you leave and get coffee.”  All he had to say to me was “ You have nothing to be sorry about and I am pretty busy, in three months for sure.”  I was left to face my misery all alone; every part of my body ached.  I was not going to see him for three months and I knew it was over, I just did not let myself believe that it was. I told myself he liked me and it was all my fault, but really I had given him every single opportunity to get me back; and he did not take advantage of those opportunities.  He was gone, I was alone, and summer was just starting. Till next time.


Am I Ovulating? Or Do I Really Like Him? HELP!!

Today I found myself in class daydreaming about the boy sitting next to me.  The weird thing was that he had taken me out before and I had really not found him that attractive. He’s tall and has a cute face but I just never felt that spark.  As I was sitting in class I started to smell him(holy shit I’m weird),  and he smelled delicious.  Every Tuesday and Wednesday I sit next to him and I had never noticed that sweet smell before; my mouth started watering and all I could think about was nibbling on his neck.  I kept thinking of ways to lure him out of the classroom and back to his place.  I kept getting closer and could tell he knew there was something in me that wanted him at the precise moment. He started moving around, I could tell he was getting nervous. I kept touching his hand and legs and would get really close to his neck; damn I just wanted to rip his clothes off.  I did not know what was wrong with me, why was I acting this way? As much as I wanted him I wanted to get out of there and run. And then it hit me, I have to be ovulating because damn I was horny. And now I am sitting here wondering to myself, do I like him? I guess I’ll just have to wait a couple days to find out. Till next time.