I was lost in my own world trying to figure out the effects this boy had on the emotional and physical aspects of my life. I was attracted to him, yes, he was so beautiful in my eyes; and when someone becomes the beauty in your life, it is almost impossible to stay away. I was being divided in two by my own conscious, she kept reminding me I was not falling for anyone, it had only been three weeks. The part that wanted me to stay away became invisible toward my true feelings. I knew in my heart I wanted this boy and not even I could keep myself away. I found myself thinking about him every minute of the day, that was when I knew something was wrong. This could not be happening to me! I did not need a man in my life to make it more interesting and fun, I was used to being alone and content with the person I was. But GOD DAMN IT, every time I saw him it was like a different me, a movie me, a movie that was past due and needed to be returned ASAP. I never quite understood love songs, until I found myself in one. I needed to gain control, I needed to put my life back into perspective; but how is someone supposed to give up love? (If it even was that).
Eric left me for four days to visit his family. I went to visit him on that sad last day, we cuddled on his bed and watched a Mets game(I think), and it was great. My stomach was in knots and I did not want to leave him but his plane was coming and my shift was starting. I walked him to the bus stop where we hugged and kissed good-bye. “I” was great, let me tell you, I was not going to sit around and wait for some guy while he was away, and I did not. He texted me every day religiously and I returned the favor. He told me he missed every second and I never once let it get to me. I had him under my spell, he was mine and that was that!
I remember getting ready to see him when he got back, my stomach was aching and my mind racing; I HATED THAT FEELING. I hated not being able to control my own body, I hated that he had a certain control over me, I hated every minute of it; and yet it was freaking worth it when I saw him for the first time in about a week. He was standing at the bus stop wearing blue work out shorts, his favorite baseball cap, a white t-shirt, and that beautiful grin that had me melting in seconds. He took me in his arms and gave me a long kiss, we walked hand in hand to his dorm room. We kissed and hugged and played around like little kids, it was disgusting how much I liked him. The thing that sucked the most was that I had to leave and go to work. As I left, I gave him kisses up and down his face, he had that big smile on and so did I. That was the last time we shared a kiss, well not our last because I was drunk one night(months later, we’ll get to that). I left not knowing I was going to lose him and all that stupid pain and suffering would slowly creep up on me. It’s funny how easily happiness is ripped away from you and there is absolutely nothing that you can do to prevent it. Till next time.